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Wednesday, February 25, 2004
dream
I had the worst dream last night (Feb 24th). For some reason it was my wedding day, and I was supposed to marry Mario (Perez), this other ALT from my building. I remember first seeing him at the altar in another wedding ceremony and actually marry this blonde woman in a white veil. Then cut to me traipsing around with Tomo and some other girls. We`re all helping Tomo get her wedding stuff ready. Then we come back from being outside (from a forest I think) to this house that has dark wood paneling in an almost black mahogany colour, hardwood flooring, all very deep and sombre colours. When I passed by/entered this one room, I was immediately pounced on by a group of males, all friends of Mario, and Mario was there too I think, because they had spotted my engagement/wedding ringless finger. Panicking, I tried to slip on another ring as quickly as possible without them noticing, but they did. “Why aren`t you wearing your wedding ring??!!” shouting about bonds and trust and loyalty. They were furious, and I was so upset and flustered. I had lost the ring while helping Tomo, and as I began to explain myself, I remembered the reasons why I had lost it. As I recounted one event, the next moment came to me clearly, and i was able to find my way to the end of the story. With each plot twist, the men became less hostile, and backed down. Satisfied with my explanation as to why and how I had lost the ring, they let me prepare for my wedding with Mario. I don`t know why I was getting married to him since I knew I didn`t really like him that much, and I knew he felt the same way. But for some reason, we were going through with it. I remember passing by a full length mirror with three panels and not really seeing my own reflection/self, but only the white wedding dress in the centre panel.
I had the worst dream last night (Feb 24th). For some reason it was my wedding day, and I was supposed to marry Mario (Perez), this other ALT from my building. I remember first seeing him at the altar in another wedding ceremony and actually marry this blonde woman in a white veil. Then cut to me traipsing around with Tomo and some other girls. We`re all helping Tomo get her wedding stuff ready. Then we come back from being outside (from a forest I think) to this house that has dark wood paneling in an almost black mahogany colour, hardwood flooring, all very deep and sombre colours. When I passed by/entered this one room, I was immediately pounced on by a group of males, all friends of Mario, and Mario was there too I think, because they had spotted my engagement/wedding ringless finger. Panicking, I tried to slip on another ring as quickly as possible without them noticing, but they did. “Why aren`t you wearing your wedding ring??!!” shouting about bonds and trust and loyalty. They were furious, and I was so upset and flustered. I had lost the ring while helping Tomo, and as I began to explain myself, I remembered the reasons why I had lost it. As I recounted one event, the next moment came to me clearly, and i was able to find my way to the end of the story. With each plot twist, the men became less hostile, and backed down. Satisfied with my explanation as to why and how I had lost the ring, they let me prepare for my wedding with Mario. I don`t know why I was getting married to him since I knew I didn`t really like him that much, and I knew he felt the same way. But for some reason, we were going through with it. I remember passing by a full length mirror with three panels and not really seeing my own reflection/self, but only the white wedding dress in the centre panel.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
see you
my parents left yesterday morning, around 8. I didn`t go with them to the airport because I didn`t think I needed to... and in retrospect, I`m glad i didn`t... i think it would have been really tough for me to see them board a plane back home, leaving me in Japan. it`s weird, i didn`t feel a huge rush of sentimentality/homesickness until friday night when they came over and molly maid-ed my apartment to a state of cleanliness never before witnessed. every day prior to friday was just really cool and amusing and fun... but on friday, having the two of them in my home, watching my dad settle in to watch another boring enka show, knowing that my mom was cooking food just for Me, listening to them talk nonsense and also not talk for a lot of the time like they do at 142 Stirling Crescent, Markham, weirded me out. I wasn`t sure what I was feeling that night... but saturday night, I finally realized that I was so homesick. last night, being at home by myself was so depressing. Like I wasn`t catatonic or anything, but I was the saddest I have ever been since coming here. I guess it also didn`t help that sunday was filled with depressing environments: the gloomy (but mild) weather and the dark corners of Korea town. I miss my family. I am tired. I mean, I am having a really fun day today at work, but I want this to be over soon. I don`t want to start 4 new schools next semester, and have to learn people and kids and classes and routes and schedules all over again. I don`t want to answer the same questions about Canada, Toronto, why I don`t speak Chinese, and that yes, I too think kanji is really hard. i don`t think I`m grumpy, just tired of this.
i would go home right now if someone told me i could.
my parents left yesterday morning, around 8. I didn`t go with them to the airport because I didn`t think I needed to... and in retrospect, I`m glad i didn`t... i think it would have been really tough for me to see them board a plane back home, leaving me in Japan. it`s weird, i didn`t feel a huge rush of sentimentality/homesickness until friday night when they came over and molly maid-ed my apartment to a state of cleanliness never before witnessed. every day prior to friday was just really cool and amusing and fun... but on friday, having the two of them in my home, watching my dad settle in to watch another boring enka show, knowing that my mom was cooking food just for Me, listening to them talk nonsense and also not talk for a lot of the time like they do at 142 Stirling Crescent, Markham, weirded me out. I wasn`t sure what I was feeling that night... but saturday night, I finally realized that I was so homesick. last night, being at home by myself was so depressing. Like I wasn`t catatonic or anything, but I was the saddest I have ever been since coming here. I guess it also didn`t help that sunday was filled with depressing environments: the gloomy (but mild) weather and the dark corners of Korea town. I miss my family. I am tired. I mean, I am having a really fun day today at work, but I want this to be over soon. I don`t want to start 4 new schools next semester, and have to learn people and kids and classes and routes and schedules all over again. I don`t want to answer the same questions about Canada, Toronto, why I don`t speak Chinese, and that yes, I too think kanji is really hard. i don`t think I`m grumpy, just tired of this.
i would go home right now if someone told me i could.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
distracted
Abittooflusteredandscatteredtowriteablogwithcompletesentences List!!
1. parents in Japan, leaving on Sunday. I don`t know how I feel exactly, other than feeling overwhelmed a bit, but in a good way
2. Canon IXY, I love all 3.2 megapixels of you… u make movies and pretty pictures for me. I hope we will be together for a long, long time, and I promise to never look at another digital camera while you are still around
3. I had a weird class today… yajima was arguing with a student on the side for like 30 minutes so I was basically left at the front to entertain the students… I pulled out trusty Hangman and introduced them to SOS… oy
4. it`s beautiful outside
5. proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps”
6. Shaun is my best girlfriend in Japan hahahahhah!!! Me, you, Eiko and Chiomi= girls night out!!!! Woohoooooooooo!
7. I miss going to church. I miss JGCT. I need to go back
8. still amazed at my lack of funds… but I will TRUST, and not worry, and just try to be smart about things
9. i found out on White Day, guys can give gifts of candy to their sukinahito, or just to say thank you for the v-day chocolate. if they want to make it clear that they Don`t like the girl, they give "gifts" of marshmallows. yes, cuz nothing says flat out rejection like soft and fluffy gum sugar =)
10. the artists united for africa cd!
11. damien rice, delicate... stunned.
Abittooflusteredandscatteredtowriteablogwithcompletesentences List!!
1. parents in Japan, leaving on Sunday. I don`t know how I feel exactly, other than feeling overwhelmed a bit, but in a good way
2. Canon IXY, I love all 3.2 megapixels of you… u make movies and pretty pictures for me. I hope we will be together for a long, long time, and I promise to never look at another digital camera while you are still around
3. I had a weird class today… yajima was arguing with a student on the side for like 30 minutes so I was basically left at the front to entertain the students… I pulled out trusty Hangman and introduced them to SOS… oy
4. it`s beautiful outside
5. proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps”
6. Shaun is my best girlfriend in Japan hahahahhah!!! Me, you, Eiko and Chiomi= girls night out!!!! Woohoooooooooo!
7. I miss going to church. I miss JGCT. I need to go back
8. still amazed at my lack of funds… but I will TRUST, and not worry, and just try to be smart about things
9. i found out on White Day, guys can give gifts of candy to their sukinahito, or just to say thank you for the v-day chocolate. if they want to make it clear that they Don`t like the girl, they give "gifts" of marshmallows. yes, cuz nothing says flat out rejection like soft and fluffy gum sugar =)
10. the artists united for africa cd!
11. damien rice, delicate... stunned.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Thursday, February 05, 2004
posted at 5:50, and i still have work to do
This is a blog written on the brink of fidgetiness… it`s 4:45, and I was supposed to leave 45 minutes ago in order to be on time for my Japanese class. Alas, we were unable to come up with a creative and chaos-free way to teach the fast food dialogue so it was left up for discussion until after school. Too bad they didn`t tell me there were subject meetings!!! Geeeez. I finished doing an entry in my nikki, finished marking, ate all of my fruit, I don`t want to study anymore Japanese for today, checked my phone incessantly for any messages, even anticipating junk mail! I start Nishi-kujo ES tomorrow… it`s weird I feel a little bit nervous! I feel like I haven`t started a new school in a while, even though I started Hirano this term. I think because I already labeled Hirano as an exceptional case, any feelings of displacement were to be expected, necessary even. Also because I have no other school to compare it with, I had no real expectations. But with Nishi-kujo, it`s another elementary school, but with much bigger classes than I am used to. A new staff that I have to get used to all over again, new homeroom teachers, formats, KIDS, names…at least there`s the gift of routine that all schools have, which will be my crutch.
Even though Hirano goes peerless right now in my books, there is one distinct aspect that allows for comparison: the school lunch. The first school lunch experience I had here was given to me by Shikitsu. The first time I had their lunch, I wasn`t blown away or anything. It was thin in taste, and I had to get used to the proportion size (think six year olds, not real adult sizes). But over the course of the term and this term as well, the super cute shokudo ladies have served up some really delicious lunches. One of the most memorable being the lunch before Chinese New Year when they made sticky rice which made me a little bit homesick. They also managed to completely reverse my position on kabocha and iwashi, both of which I had shunned in my previous T.O. existence. I love those two ladies! They are really cute and genki, strutting around in their blue smocks, and the shorter one always tells me she loves me in Japanese =) How can I not love them? So I have been really spoiled at Shikitsu, and so coming to Hirano and having their lunch was really different. First off I don`t even know where the kitchen is. The school is huge and there are all of these hallways and stairwells that I haven`t explored yet, reminds me a bit of UHS, but less pretty =) As a result, I don`t know who prepares my food… and frankly, it`s probably better that way. The first lunch I had there was kabocha stew, bread and something else that I`ve forgotten. The kabocha stew was a bright bright French`s mustard yellow, which threw me off, because Japanese food never comes in that colour… it was brighter than pickled daikon, and if compared to corn soup, it would be fluorescent. There were a few instances of pinwheel pasta and some peas (?), carrots and things in it… but it was TOUGH beans trying to get that “stew” down, especially since it was ICE COLD. There are only a few hot foods that I can eat cold: KFC, pizza, and mom`s chicken meatballs. Kabocha stew will never be on that list. I`ve been there for three weeks, and I have yet to be even mildly impressed (Shikitsu had already won me over by the third week). This past Monday I went to eat with some of the senior high kids from Group C, and one of their teachers asked me if I liked the school lunch. Immediately I said it was very oishii. Well, of course I would! Then to my surprise, the teacher looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, “Really?” knowing full well I was totally lying =) hahahha… it`s nice to know my tastebuds aren`t totally warped. I wonder how many people at Hirano don`t like the lunch? The most exciting part of this week`s lunch was the store-bought package of soybeans for setsubun. I kid you not. In a close second was the soggy iwashi, also for setsubun. Note to self: soybeans sting when they are whipped at one`s head at close range =) So I`m going to go to Nishi-kujo with no expectations, caf ladies? You don`t have to love me. Lunch? You don`t have to love me either, just get me through the day, I have friends at Family Mart and Lawson`s that will hook me up.
Oy! 5:24! And they`re talking without me!
This is a blog written on the brink of fidgetiness… it`s 4:45, and I was supposed to leave 45 minutes ago in order to be on time for my Japanese class. Alas, we were unable to come up with a creative and chaos-free way to teach the fast food dialogue so it was left up for discussion until after school. Too bad they didn`t tell me there were subject meetings!!! Geeeez. I finished doing an entry in my nikki, finished marking, ate all of my fruit, I don`t want to study anymore Japanese for today, checked my phone incessantly for any messages, even anticipating junk mail! I start Nishi-kujo ES tomorrow… it`s weird I feel a little bit nervous! I feel like I haven`t started a new school in a while, even though I started Hirano this term. I think because I already labeled Hirano as an exceptional case, any feelings of displacement were to be expected, necessary even. Also because I have no other school to compare it with, I had no real expectations. But with Nishi-kujo, it`s another elementary school, but with much bigger classes than I am used to. A new staff that I have to get used to all over again, new homeroom teachers, formats, KIDS, names…at least there`s the gift of routine that all schools have, which will be my crutch.
Even though Hirano goes peerless right now in my books, there is one distinct aspect that allows for comparison: the school lunch. The first school lunch experience I had here was given to me by Shikitsu. The first time I had their lunch, I wasn`t blown away or anything. It was thin in taste, and I had to get used to the proportion size (think six year olds, not real adult sizes). But over the course of the term and this term as well, the super cute shokudo ladies have served up some really delicious lunches. One of the most memorable being the lunch before Chinese New Year when they made sticky rice which made me a little bit homesick. They also managed to completely reverse my position on kabocha and iwashi, both of which I had shunned in my previous T.O. existence. I love those two ladies! They are really cute and genki, strutting around in their blue smocks, and the shorter one always tells me she loves me in Japanese =) How can I not love them? So I have been really spoiled at Shikitsu, and so coming to Hirano and having their lunch was really different. First off I don`t even know where the kitchen is. The school is huge and there are all of these hallways and stairwells that I haven`t explored yet, reminds me a bit of UHS, but less pretty =) As a result, I don`t know who prepares my food… and frankly, it`s probably better that way. The first lunch I had there was kabocha stew, bread and something else that I`ve forgotten. The kabocha stew was a bright bright French`s mustard yellow, which threw me off, because Japanese food never comes in that colour… it was brighter than pickled daikon, and if compared to corn soup, it would be fluorescent. There were a few instances of pinwheel pasta and some peas (?), carrots and things in it… but it was TOUGH beans trying to get that “stew” down, especially since it was ICE COLD. There are only a few hot foods that I can eat cold: KFC, pizza, and mom`s chicken meatballs. Kabocha stew will never be on that list. I`ve been there for three weeks, and I have yet to be even mildly impressed (Shikitsu had already won me over by the third week). This past Monday I went to eat with some of the senior high kids from Group C, and one of their teachers asked me if I liked the school lunch. Immediately I said it was very oishii. Well, of course I would! Then to my surprise, the teacher looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said, “Really?” knowing full well I was totally lying =) hahahha… it`s nice to know my tastebuds aren`t totally warped. I wonder how many people at Hirano don`t like the lunch? The most exciting part of this week`s lunch was the store-bought package of soybeans for setsubun. I kid you not. In a close second was the soggy iwashi, also for setsubun. Note to self: soybeans sting when they are whipped at one`s head at close range =) So I`m going to go to Nishi-kujo with no expectations, caf ladies? You don`t have to love me. Lunch? You don`t have to love me either, just get me through the day, I have friends at Family Mart and Lawson`s that will hook me up.
Oy! 5:24! And they`re talking without me!
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
like, do we mesh?
personality tests! not a huge fan, perhaps being a product of UT psych and having a tumultuous history with the quizzes created by the erai writers at YM and Seventeen. but i arrived at Joyo today to find another newsletter from the nurse`s office (hokenshitsudayori!) on my desk, with an insert on personality derived from sleeping positions. new! cool! =) plus i know that the newsletter is made by Mari, so I made an effort to read it.
Last month`s edition included a section on frostbite. I was really puzzled as to why she would write about frostbite since it hadn`t gone below zero in Osaka in like, fifty million years... Mari explained that when it gets really cold, students run the risk of frostbite after they wash their hands in the washroom and immediately step out into the bitter cold. i seriously almost started laughing. i remember going up to vivian conservation centre and mrs weatherill giving us a lecture on frostbite, warning us to keep our layers on and not expose our skin to the cold for too long, which makes total sense when the temperature is -25...hahahah... frostbite from the washroom. sigh.
anyways, here is what i learned about sleeping positions:
a) a very curled fetal position means you are shy and sensitive
b) sleeping very straight on your side means you are carefree, easygoing
c) sleeping in a more open fetal position with arms stretched out in front and legs in front (think a "backwards C" figure) means you have a warm heart but can be sarcastic
d) sleeping on your back with your arms at your side (think a corpse) means you are very quiet, introverted
e) sleeping on your stomach means you like people a lot but sometimes can lose your confidence
f) sleeping on your back but with your arms out at your side and legs apart (think the japanese/chinese character for big) means you are a good listener
list for the girls:
1. to all my woomans: i will work on the patent for the machine that figures out what guys are thinking. and, as per kathy`s request, it will have very sharp prongs.
2. nagano sensei said (i think) that she will go and see Love Actually with me!!! woohooooooooo!
3. curved mascara brush... a revelation
4. wow u girls are totally putting smiles on my face with all of your strong-progressive-brave-woman actions
5. i miss hanging out with you guys. and microwave popcorn.
u know what? i think i am adopting an american accent when i say certain words, like "a lot"??!! what the heck?????
i went to see bunraku (puppet theatre) with amacho sensei on sunday. it was at the NHK hall, which is a fairly new building in Osaka and super nice. the hall is connected to the Osaka museum of history, has a very open floor plan and reminds me a bit of the atrium in the CBC building. two of amacho sensei`s friends, frances and bob were there as well. they are australians, and frances is working as a lecturer/prof? at Kobe College, teaching myth and english literature. the first thing she said to me when i met her was, "Look at you and your accent!" in a very warm and friendly way which made me smile, and soon after, upon finding out i was from toronto, both her and bob (the husband) erupted in joyous exclamations about how much they love Toronto, deeming it the best part of Canada. I felt super warm and fuzzy =) After my heightened awareness of how much Victoria and I don`t really click, i had irrational transferrence, thinking i couldn`t get along with any australians. frances and bob sure proved me wrong. they are genial, down to earth, bright and observant people, and i hope i get to hang out with them again before they leave in march. their friend, mary margaret, or MM, was really nice as well, one of those big motherly types: tender, blustery and enthusiastic about everything and anything. and puppet theatre surprised me as well. i had pretty low expectations going in to it, i mean, it`s puppets! and in japanese. the story i saw was like romeo and juliet, which is funny because it was written in the early early 1700s (1703?), so really not that much after shakespeare. like the noh play, the narrator sang the plotlines and the dialogue, in that very old-fashioned Japanese style, that makes the syllables sound so pliable. in one of the most famous scenes from the story, the male character T ..? is hiding underneath his lover, Ohatsu`s kimono to avoid being seen by his backstabbing friend. to signal that he is willing to die with her in order to avoid a forced marriage to someone else, he presses his neck against her ankle. they staged that so well, and i was surprised to find myself fixated on the scene, able to block out the puppeteers and only see the puppets. from that act till the end where they die a dramatic and bloody death, i felt totally involved. i`m still slightly surprised. puppets. who knew? but i think i feel really encouraged to attempt more cultural events in japan... i was slightly hesitant before because i wasn`t sure how capable i would feel around really archaic art... but i think i can deal with it, or at least have a better appreciation for it since i`ve been here for a while.
oy time to go.
personality tests! not a huge fan, perhaps being a product of UT psych and having a tumultuous history with the quizzes created by the erai writers at YM and Seventeen. but i arrived at Joyo today to find another newsletter from the nurse`s office (hokenshitsudayori!) on my desk, with an insert on personality derived from sleeping positions. new! cool! =) plus i know that the newsletter is made by Mari, so I made an effort to read it.
Last month`s edition included a section on frostbite. I was really puzzled as to why she would write about frostbite since it hadn`t gone below zero in Osaka in like, fifty million years... Mari explained that when it gets really cold, students run the risk of frostbite after they wash their hands in the washroom and immediately step out into the bitter cold. i seriously almost started laughing. i remember going up to vivian conservation centre and mrs weatherill giving us a lecture on frostbite, warning us to keep our layers on and not expose our skin to the cold for too long, which makes total sense when the temperature is -25...hahahah... frostbite from the washroom. sigh.
anyways, here is what i learned about sleeping positions:
a) a very curled fetal position means you are shy and sensitive
b) sleeping very straight on your side means you are carefree, easygoing
c) sleeping in a more open fetal position with arms stretched out in front and legs in front (think a "backwards C" figure) means you have a warm heart but can be sarcastic
d) sleeping on your back with your arms at your side (think a corpse) means you are very quiet, introverted
e) sleeping on your stomach means you like people a lot but sometimes can lose your confidence
f) sleeping on your back but with your arms out at your side and legs apart (think the japanese/chinese character for big) means you are a good listener
list for the girls:
1. to all my woomans: i will work on the patent for the machine that figures out what guys are thinking. and, as per kathy`s request, it will have very sharp prongs.
2. nagano sensei said (i think) that she will go and see Love Actually with me!!! woohooooooooo!
3. curved mascara brush... a revelation
4. wow u girls are totally putting smiles on my face with all of your strong-progressive-brave-woman actions
5. i miss hanging out with you guys. and microwave popcorn.
u know what? i think i am adopting an american accent when i say certain words, like "a lot"??!! what the heck?????
i went to see bunraku (puppet theatre) with amacho sensei on sunday. it was at the NHK hall, which is a fairly new building in Osaka and super nice. the hall is connected to the Osaka museum of history, has a very open floor plan and reminds me a bit of the atrium in the CBC building. two of amacho sensei`s friends, frances and bob were there as well. they are australians, and frances is working as a lecturer/prof? at Kobe College, teaching myth and english literature. the first thing she said to me when i met her was, "Look at you and your accent!" in a very warm and friendly way which made me smile, and soon after, upon finding out i was from toronto, both her and bob (the husband) erupted in joyous exclamations about how much they love Toronto, deeming it the best part of Canada. I felt super warm and fuzzy =) After my heightened awareness of how much Victoria and I don`t really click, i had irrational transferrence, thinking i couldn`t get along with any australians. frances and bob sure proved me wrong. they are genial, down to earth, bright and observant people, and i hope i get to hang out with them again before they leave in march. their friend, mary margaret, or MM, was really nice as well, one of those big motherly types: tender, blustery and enthusiastic about everything and anything. and puppet theatre surprised me as well. i had pretty low expectations going in to it, i mean, it`s puppets! and in japanese. the story i saw was like romeo and juliet, which is funny because it was written in the early early 1700s (1703?), so really not that much after shakespeare. like the noh play, the narrator sang the plotlines and the dialogue, in that very old-fashioned Japanese style, that makes the syllables sound so pliable. in one of the most famous scenes from the story, the male character T ..? is hiding underneath his lover, Ohatsu`s kimono to avoid being seen by his backstabbing friend. to signal that he is willing to die with her in order to avoid a forced marriage to someone else, he presses his neck against her ankle. they staged that so well, and i was surprised to find myself fixated on the scene, able to block out the puppeteers and only see the puppets. from that act till the end where they die a dramatic and bloody death, i felt totally involved. i`m still slightly surprised. puppets. who knew? but i think i feel really encouraged to attempt more cultural events in japan... i was slightly hesitant before because i wasn`t sure how capable i would feel around really archaic art... but i think i can deal with it, or at least have a better appreciation for it since i`ve been here for a while.
oy time to go.
