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Thursday, November 17, 2005
power
recently, i've come to realize how incredible the ability to hurt another is, and it has aged me, made me weary and hesitant. angry. my brother went through a horrible break-up two weeks ago, with his gf of almost three years. he cycled through a version of Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of dying: Denial (I'm OK); Depression (how could she leave me??); Anger (How dare she do this to me??); Bargaining (I'm going to get this GAP jacket to help me feel better); Acceptance (I'm over her.)
it was heartbreaking to watch him go through it. for the first time, in the context of me and him, i felt powerless to stop the hurt, and it was really unsettling. aren't big sisters supposed to protect their baby brothers? it then made me wonder, what stops someone from crossing that faint line between love and cruelty to say those few words, strike that first blow, to take that first step away?
***
i had a dream last night that i suddenly discovered an "Aperture" button on the side of my SLR. I was immediately able to take pictures with beautiful depth of field perspectives-something I haven't been able to do well-without having to adjust anything. My first picture was a success as the background blurred away softly and i could focus tightly on the subject; the tiny tiny details filling the viewfinder. My next attempt wasn't as great... I couldn't focus properly and i was beginning to get really frustrated. The overall feeling of victory never dissipated, though.
recently, i've come to realize how incredible the ability to hurt another is, and it has aged me, made me weary and hesitant. angry. my brother went through a horrible break-up two weeks ago, with his gf of almost three years. he cycled through a version of Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of dying: Denial (I'm OK); Depression (how could she leave me??); Anger (How dare she do this to me??); Bargaining (I'm going to get this GAP jacket to help me feel better); Acceptance (I'm over her.)
it was heartbreaking to watch him go through it. for the first time, in the context of me and him, i felt powerless to stop the hurt, and it was really unsettling. aren't big sisters supposed to protect their baby brothers? it then made me wonder, what stops someone from crossing that faint line between love and cruelty to say those few words, strike that first blow, to take that first step away?
***
i had a dream last night that i suddenly discovered an "Aperture" button on the side of my SLR. I was immediately able to take pictures with beautiful depth of field perspectives-something I haven't been able to do well-without having to adjust anything. My first picture was a success as the background blurred away softly and i could focus tightly on the subject; the tiny tiny details filling the viewfinder. My next attempt wasn't as great... I couldn't focus properly and i was beginning to get really frustrated. The overall feeling of victory never dissipated, though.
// posted by naomi @ 1:26 p.m. 
