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Thursday, December 16, 2004
mall meditations
or
it's taking a freaking long time to get these presents wrapped...
do you think there is much competition if one wants to become a mall santa claus? like, is there a union? CUPE 4040*?
do you think those that have been in the game for a while fear the newbies, the ones with their spry bodies able to sustain the impact from small cannonballing bottoms and sticky hands, while the veterans' bones creak under the weight of lists and lights?
Do you think there is performance pressure? For example, say Santa Eh wants to get in on the mall Santa racket. But the bigwigs at Santa Central are like, “Dude, your beard is so not white enough. We want polar neige, you’re showing us slushy sleet. Age some more and try next year okay? Buh-bye now.”
So what does heartbroken Santa Eh do? Is it common for less-than-desirable Santas to opt for cosmetic procedures? Does he scour the shelves at Shoppers Drug Mart for beard dye? Does he track down a micro-abrasion dermatologist and ask for a procedure to give him rosier cheeks? Does he go to the opthamologist to the Stars and get the Twinkly Eye treatment? Will he have to hire a voice coach to help him develop a robust and jolly James Earl Jones-like Ho-Ho-Ho?
Santas, don’t hate on your fellow Nick. There’s enough love (and malls) to go around man, enough!
ps: like how i post THREE times in one day? yes, my life is really that thrilling.
* if you got this, you are an old school pager gangstarr! much 52
or
it's taking a freaking long time to get these presents wrapped...
do you think there is much competition if one wants to become a mall santa claus? like, is there a union? CUPE 4040*?
do you think those that have been in the game for a while fear the newbies, the ones with their spry bodies able to sustain the impact from small cannonballing bottoms and sticky hands, while the veterans' bones creak under the weight of lists and lights?
Do you think there is performance pressure? For example, say Santa Eh wants to get in on the mall Santa racket. But the bigwigs at Santa Central are like, “Dude, your beard is so not white enough. We want polar neige, you’re showing us slushy sleet. Age some more and try next year okay? Buh-bye now.”
So what does heartbroken Santa Eh do? Is it common for less-than-desirable Santas to opt for cosmetic procedures? Does he scour the shelves at Shoppers Drug Mart for beard dye? Does he track down a micro-abrasion dermatologist and ask for a procedure to give him rosier cheeks? Does he go to the opthamologist to the Stars and get the Twinkly Eye treatment? Will he have to hire a voice coach to help him develop a robust and jolly James Earl Jones-like Ho-Ho-Ho?
Santas, don’t hate on your fellow Nick. There’s enough love (and malls) to go around man, enough!
ps: like how i post THREE times in one day? yes, my life is really that thrilling.
* if you got this, you are an old school pager gangstarr! much 52
// posted by naomi @ 3:24 p.m. 
