: notes to self :

yes, i have a lot of time at work.


I’m vengeful. I hold grudges. Not many people know this about me… and the ones that do…well, let’s just have a moment of silence shall we?

So in a way, it wasn’t completely Kathy’s fault. But she shouldn’t have said what she did. And the whole incident could have been avoided.

But alas, like all small animals who breach the hierarchy, consequences are inevitable. Bring on Yellow Doom.


Dear Sirs:

Here is my report concerning the successful ambush of civilian Kathy Tam via Project BOB, on Saturday November 13, 2004.
The trouble all began one fine evening when civilian Tam made fun of me for sending a birthday paper airplane to Japan. How dare she mock the fine craftsmanship of my plane?? My hands, which have crafted winning beauties, such as the ones you may remember from Ikuno Hallway Derby 2004, clenched in anger, my jaw became rigid with fury. Such insubordination!

I vowed silently that I would not let this pass.

I needed to show Tam who was boss. I needed to make her go through a trial that would make her realize the power that I wielded.
Thus the seeds for Project (Barmy Ornery Bomb) BOB were planted.

I recruited a select group of Special Ops trainees. They were a touch green, but mostly yellow. In order for Project Yellow Doom to work, we needed an inside edge… we needed a mole. Thankfully, without her knowledge, Tam was cohabitating with an enemy spy. We sent a covert electronic telegram to the mole (who shall be known only by the pseudonym When-D) to help carry out Project BOB, by trumpeting our cause in the name of freedom, justice and the right to surprise. When-D was thoroughly convinced and became the lynchpin for Project Yellow Doom.

During the week before B-Day, the team coordinated temporal and spatial details. At precisely 1030 hours When-D would arrive with Tam at Markville Mall. They would enter the Sears, using the entrance facing Centennial Community Centre. From that point, a private would dash to the mole’s vehicle, place the weapons of slight humilation on her car, where upon return, the demands of Project BOB would be revealed to Tam. Firstly, Tam would have to don the BOB, no questions asked. Then, Tam would have to suss out members of Project BOB via clues/riddles given to her at each rest station. Failure to do so would result in extreme humiliation by way of dancing for small, undersized civilians. Singing of theme songs was another viable option. At the end, there would be some respite in the form of chocolate available, dependant on Tam’s performance.

Construction of our main weapon was undertaken by Private Mark, a gallant girl.
Notice the grim determination creasing her face as she takes BOB off-site:



Before we could use BOB in combat, we needed to conduct a few test runs. We persuaded a local civilian to run tests for us. Needless to say, BOB was a success:



The night before, Project BOB was guarded by tight security. This was necessary as the contents of the mission were extremely delicate:




B-day arrived on a beam of sunshine. Or at least that’s how a pansy poet would have described it. In reality, the team was focused, on their game. Steely eyes stared straight ahead, concentration undeterred, ignoring every little itch, every little inclination for sleep, every little hunger pang...they were unstoppable. So after stopping at A&W, the cavalry drove quickly to their scheduled positions, and waited.

The mole came zooming in a silver non-descript sedan, as per my request. However, there was a M.E.N.T.A.L (Massive Entropy N Temperature Absence Locus) malfunction, and the sedan stopped in front of the wrong entrance.

Alarm bells echoed in my head for a brief 78 seconds. But they call me Grace Under Pressure, (at least that’s what they promised after I gave them $50), and so I shook off the clammy grip of panic.

My troops’ eyes had glazed over. Inept fools. I had to carry out this task, or else B-day would be doomed. Gritting my teeth, I hoisted BOB on my shoulder, and sprinted to the sedan. Unfortunately, the gods had set out to sabotage the mission, as the mole had chosen a parking area chock full of non-descript silver sedans. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw When-D and Kathy begin their approach, and quickly made a snap decision to place the items on the cleanest silver sedan I could see (the mole had a penchant for cleanliness). I then dashed off, heading for cover behind a scraggly pine, praying Tam would not notice me. A few “over and out”s later, it was confirmed that the integrity of the mission was still intact.

Tam was thoroughly baffled, and at the end was truly humbled by my show of surprise prowess. It was either that or the box was making her tired. All in all, Project BOB wa a success.

Please consider the following as support:




















I hope the success of my mission will convince you to consider me for future missions similar in nature. Additionally, I am quite adept at making loon and mallard calls, which is an invaluable skill during night raids.

Thank you for your time.

Respectfully yours,
Sgt. Hot Pepper








~no spongebobs were harmed during this event~