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Monday, September 22, 2003
observations
some more random observations about japan, because i can`t focus to write a proper blog... (whatever that means in my case)
1. i think they have japan-ized a version of the mullet... my cousin has one... eeee.... but it looks kind of cool, esp with the thin razored ends
2. apparently japanese pigeons like to come back and lay MORE eggs on one`s balcony... argh!
3. undokais are some kind of militant exercise leftover from the 50s, complete with Mao-like warm-ups
4. desserts are waaaaaaay overpriced
5. my JTE from nankominami is kind of scary when she gets mad... that is why i can never be absent for work at that school, never ever ever ever
.....
to be honest i think i am distracted because i read leo chan`s blog... and most of his recent entries were about eric. i didn`t really know him, but what leo wrote was so moving, i feel like i can`t describe it, because by doing so, i would taint the purity of emotion, since i have a tendency to wrap everything in bright and shiny bubbly plastic when i write about things. but i could feel his grief... though my capacity to feel what he feels is horribly inadequate. loss is always something that puts me on edge... when i was smaller, and sometimes even when i wasn`t, whenever my parents were significantly late, i imagined them in some kind of horrible accident or something, victim to my overactive (and slightly morbid) imagination. but nothing ever happened, it was always the Ishiguro tardy gene kicking into gear. but to think, if i lost them, anyone, i don`t know what i do. i don`t deal well with being wrenched from people i love/care for prematurely. i am a dweller i.e. it takes me a while to get over things, and to live, acutely aware with the knowledge that this person will never be seen again, no matter how much you want to see them, talk to them? i feel so weak at times like these, because I don`t think I could deal with the pain (Miah was hard enough) of losing a person i loved. i know my faith sustains me, and maybe it is okay to be weak like this, but the initial moment of loss...
thus, Dear Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for the moments of joy I have felt-viscerally-in my life. They are life to me.
some more random observations about japan, because i can`t focus to write a proper blog... (whatever that means in my case)
1. i think they have japan-ized a version of the mullet... my cousin has one... eeee.... but it looks kind of cool, esp with the thin razored ends
2. apparently japanese pigeons like to come back and lay MORE eggs on one`s balcony... argh!
3. undokais are some kind of militant exercise leftover from the 50s, complete with Mao-like warm-ups
4. desserts are waaaaaaay overpriced
5. my JTE from nankominami is kind of scary when she gets mad... that is why i can never be absent for work at that school, never ever ever ever
.....
to be honest i think i am distracted because i read leo chan`s blog... and most of his recent entries were about eric. i didn`t really know him, but what leo wrote was so moving, i feel like i can`t describe it, because by doing so, i would taint the purity of emotion, since i have a tendency to wrap everything in bright and shiny bubbly plastic when i write about things. but i could feel his grief... though my capacity to feel what he feels is horribly inadequate. loss is always something that puts me on edge... when i was smaller, and sometimes even when i wasn`t, whenever my parents were significantly late, i imagined them in some kind of horrible accident or something, victim to my overactive (and slightly morbid) imagination. but nothing ever happened, it was always the Ishiguro tardy gene kicking into gear. but to think, if i lost them, anyone, i don`t know what i do. i don`t deal well with being wrenched from people i love/care for prematurely. i am a dweller i.e. it takes me a while to get over things, and to live, acutely aware with the knowledge that this person will never be seen again, no matter how much you want to see them, talk to them? i feel so weak at times like these, because I don`t think I could deal with the pain (Miah was hard enough) of losing a person i loved. i know my faith sustains me, and maybe it is okay to be weak like this, but the initial moment of loss...
thus, Dear Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for the moments of joy I have felt-viscerally-in my life. They are life to me.
// posted by naomi @ 9:54 a.m. 
